Robin Williams. So many wonderful memories come to mind when that name is spoken. My dad and I spent hours watching his feel-good movies when I was growing up. One night years ago we were searching the aisles of Target for a movie to watch. We happened upon what is now my favorite movie of all time. The front cover of the movie was a goofy Robin dressed as a doctor with big red clown shoes. Patch Adams. It is one of the most moving and uplifting movies I have ever had the pleasure of watching (over and over and over). That movie made me fall in love with Mr. Williams' humor and since then, he has been my favorite actor.
He passed away on August 11 of this year. I was struck with a great deal of shock and despair. I have never cried over someone that I have never met. What hit me hardest was the fact that he took his own life. How could someone so bright, goofy, energetic and seemingly happy want something so dark? I've had a hard time processing this information. It just goes to show that the world is not always as it seems. No one really knows the goings-on of others' minds. Although the eyes are supposedly the window to the soul, in order to see the soul one really has to look and pay attention. And sometimes, there is a harsh truth that lies there.
At first, I thought what a horribly selfish thing to commit suicide and leave his loved ones behind to mourn and to be without him while he goes off to find happiness. To have concern for no one's life but his own. But then I realized something else. It's his life. What about what Robin wants? Does anyone care what Robin wants? He had done nothing but give and give and give. To everyone. His family, his fans, his friends. He wanted nothing more than to ease everyone's suffering, despite the suffering in his own heart. How incredibly sad that we couldn't do the same for him. Even after his death, people call him selfish and are blasting him for his actions. If someone you love is suffering in this life, in this world, why would you want them to live in that misery? That is not love, that is selfishness. It is a hard notion to grasp, to think about yourself wanting death for another person that you love. However, asking that person to stay just so you have them in your life is a devastatingly selfish thought.
I watched Patch Adams a couple of days ago in honor of Robin. As I watched, I noticed how alike he and his character, Patch, were. The only thing keeping them both alive was healing others through humor. As Patch, he said, "You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome." And although he said this while playing a character in a movie, Robin proved that he also lived by this in his own life. Robin has made us all smile over the years but it's possible that nothing or no one could make Robin smile. I wish that we could have given back to him all the joy and laughter he gave to us. I think that's the saddest part of all this - that he so selflessly gave joy and hope to everyone despite his own suffering and that we couldn't return the favor. I hope with all my heart that he is able to smile now.
