Thoughts On Mr. Williams

Robin Williams. So many wonderful memories come to mind when that name is spoken. My dad and I spent hours watching his feel-good movies when I was growing up. One night years ago we were searching the aisles of Target for a movie to watch. We happened upon what is now my favorite movie of all time. The front cover of the movie was a goofy Robin dressed as a doctor with big red clown shoes. Patch Adams. It is one of the most moving and uplifting movies I have ever had the pleasure of watching (over and over and over). That movie made me fall in love with Mr. Williams' humor and since then, he has been my favorite actor.
He passed away on August 11 of this year. I was struck with a great deal of shock and despair. I have never cried over someone that I have never met. What hit me hardest was the fact that he took his own life. How could someone so bright, goofy, energetic and seemingly happy want something so dark? I've had a hard time processing this information. It just goes to show that the world is not always as it seems. No one really knows the goings-on of others' minds. Although the eyes are supposedly the window to the soul, in order to see the soul one really has to look and pay attention. And sometimes, there is a harsh truth that lies there.
At first, I thought what a horribly selfish thing to commit suicide and leave his loved ones behind to mourn and to be without him while he goes off to find happiness. To have concern for no one's life but his own. But then I realized something else. It's his life. What about what Robin wants? Does anyone care what Robin wants? He had done nothing but give and give and give. To everyone. His family, his fans, his friends. He wanted nothing more than to ease everyone's suffering, despite the suffering in his own heart. How incredibly sad that we couldn't do the same for him. Even after his death, people call him selfish and are blasting him for his actions. If someone you love is suffering in this life, in this world, why would you want them to live in that misery? That is not love, that is selfishness. It is a hard notion to grasp, to think about yourself wanting death for another person that you love. However, asking that person to stay just so you have them in your life is a devastatingly selfish thought.
I watched Patch Adams a couple of days ago in honor of Robin. As I watched, I noticed how alike he and his character, Patch, were. The only thing keeping them both alive was healing others through humor. As Patch, he said, "You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome." And although he said this while playing a character in a movie, Robin proved that he also lived by this in his own life. Robin has made us all smile over the years but it's possible that nothing or no one could make Robin smile. I wish that we could have given back to him all the joy and laughter he gave to us. I think that's the saddest part of all this - that he so selflessly gave joy and hope to everyone despite his own suffering and that we couldn't return the favor. I hope with all my heart that he is able to smile now.

Joy.

I have been to the beach more times this winter than I had gone during the whole summer. California is a wonderland. When my sister Alison and I decided to head to Laguna Beach one warm winter day, it seemed that everyone else in southern California had the same idea. We could not find parking whatsoever, so we headed south on PCH a ways,

the sound spectrum.

hoping to find something somewhat close to the main beach. I am a frequent visitor of the Sound Spectrum (www.soundspectrumlaguna.com), a locally owned music store, offering both used and new records, CDs, posters, t-shirts, and other memorabilia. I knew for a fact there is always available parking down there, even though it is quite a hike from the main beach. We didn't feel like trekking all that way, and after parking, we just walked straight toward the ocean, hoping there would be some way down to the beach from the street. And, hallelujah, there was! Steps right down to the sand! After the descend into paradise, we laid our giant purple blanket down on white sand and noticed the beach was almost vacant. Why? we wondered. It was absolutely perfect. We also noticed something else that surprised us: dogs! People had their dogs down here! The only dog beach I knew of close to us is in Huntington Beach. I read the nearby sign and it said they actually allow dogs from October to March and I knew right away I had to bring my little Tucson down here. 

So, a couple days later, we did! I brought my sister and her best friend, my best friend and our two dogs, Katy and Tucson. As we walked down the steps a second time, Tuc couldn't hold his horses! The teeny dog almost pulled me right down the steps, he was so excited! He had never experienced the beach and the ocean before. As I unhooked his leash from his collar, it was like unleashing the Tasmanian Devil. He spun off, leaping over rocks, splashing in the shallow waves, flinging sand all around himself, a black flash zipping in every direction. He was simply overwhelmed with excitement. 

I put my purse down on the same giant purple blanket that we had placed in the same spot as last time, pulled out two green tennis balls and launched them toward the water. My little pup's ears pointed straight toward the sky and tail spinning like a propeller, tongue flopping, he chased the heck out of them. Chest deep in the salty waves, he bobbed for tennis balls, retrieved them like a proper retriever, raced them back up the beach and waited for more. 

my tucson havin' some fun in the sun.

Katy, the little princess that she is, watched comfortably from the blanket, keeping an eye on her little buddy and barking orders at him when he got too out of control. 

We all chased the little dog while he zigzagged in and out of our legs, coming barely within our reach. He knew we wouldn't be able to catch him and he teased us relentlessly. 

People walking up and down the beach watched him in delight too, not expecting this teeny dog to be so energetic, playful and fond of the ocean. They all secretly wished their dog was as cool as mine.

Watching him myself, I saw pure joy in my little boy that day. And with that, I found pure joy in myself. I was so happy watching him be so happy. He had no troubles in the world. A simple day at the beach has the power to make a dog's whole life. I'm positive with every fiber of me that he had the best day of his life that day. I could see it. It doesn't take much to please a dog. A tennis ball and someone to throw it. 

The Energizer bunny masked as a dog appeared to have run out of juice by the end of the day in the sun. He slept in my lap the whole drive home, wet and sandy, the wind in our faces as he wouldn't allow me to roll the window up. I love that silly dog to death. 

Sometimes it takes so much for people to be happy. Maybe not even happy, just content. It's the simple things in life that we need to find joy in. Like playing with our puppies in the sunshine. Watching the waves. Spending time with people we love. It shouldn't take much.

p.s. i do not own the photo of sound spectrum but I do own the photo of my puppy!:)

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